


Always Gold

by Chelidona (Hobbity)



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Fili is his steady anchor, Kili is restless, M/M, Melancholy, More Gen than Durincest but I labelled this for reasons, Pre-Quest of Erebor, Songfic, lots of feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 10:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13785900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hobbity/pseuds/Chelidona
Summary: Kíli is restless and once he hits adulthood, he roams through Middle Earth while Fíli remains in the Blue Mountains, steady and dependable. Their bond remains strong even when they cannot understand each other.Songfic for "Always Gold to Me" by RadicalFace





	Always Gold

**Author's Note:**

> Written as fill for prompt 72. "Something inspired by 'Always Gold’ by Radical Face" of GatheringFiKi's Winterfre2018  
> This is one reason this is labelled as slash. The other is that I usually write Fíli and Kíli as lovers so I don't want to make anyone who is squicked by Durincest to stumble across this and then retrospectively feel weird about this particular story once they see what I usually write.

_*~*We were tight knit boys_  
_Brothers in more than name_  
_You would kill for me_  
_And knew that I'd do the same*~*_

Fíli was almost glad he did not remember much of the first five years of his life. Life without Kíli was dull.

When they were dwarflings, they did everything together. Older dwarves tutted that Kíli was leading his older brother astray. Fíli just thought that Kíli was amazingly resourceful and had all kind of fun ideas that would never have occurred to Fíli himself.

Fíli encouraged Kíli to become an archer. Despite everyone’s reservations.

He knew the Iron Hills had archers. Archers made sense.

And nobody questioned Kíli’s archery anymore when, during a bad winter, Kíli shot a hungry bear that was about to kill Fíli who was checking on some rabbit traps.

But the older they grew, the more it became obvious that Kíli would never fully fit in.

Everyone had thought he would stop being so wild. Especially once Fíli’s apprenticeship as a blacksmith ended and Fíli became a full time smith and moved into his own house.

Without his brother to come along to do mischief with him, they hoped, Kíli would also learn to calm down.

But Fíli having less time for his brother only meant that Kíli became ever wilder.

 _*~*And it cut me sharp_  
_Hearing you'd gone away_  
_But everything goes away_  
_Yeah everything goes away_  
_But I'm going to be here until I'm nothing_  
_But bones in the ground_  
_And I was there, when you grew restless_  
_Left in the dead of night*~*_

And then one day, Kíli was gone.

Thorin came to the smithy to tell Fíli that his brother had left in the dead of night, leaving a note behind that he was joining the guard of some merchants.

How Fíli found the strength to dissuade his uncle from going after his brother, and dragging him back, he did not know.

Everything he did that day had to be melted again the next day.

And Fíli cursed himself for having stopped Thorin from stopping Kíli.

 _*~*And I was there, when three months later_  
_You were standing in the door all beat and tired_  
_And I stepped aside*~*_

Three months later, Kíli came back as unexpectedly as he had left. He looked terrible. He stood in front of Fíli’s door, water dripping from his hair, the soaked hood of his tunic plastered to his skull. He wasn’t wearing a coat and his clothes were drenched.

There were lines around his eyes and mouth that Fíli had never seen there, but the hazel eyes were defiant when they looked into Fíli’s own.

Wordlessly, Fíli stepped aside and put a kettle on the fire.

 _*~*Everything goes away_  
_Yeah everything goes away_  
_But I'm gonna be here until I'm nothing_  
_But bones in the ground_  
_So quiet down*~*_

Later that evening, Fíli hugged Kíli, when his brother cried.

He didn’t ask any questions. Just assured Kíli that he would always be here, that Kíli would always have a home to come back to.

Fíli would be right there for his brother to find him until he was bones in the ground and his soul in the Halls of Waiting.

 _*~*We were opposites at birth_  
_I was steady as a hammer_  
_No one worried 'cause they knew just where I'd be_  
_And they said you were the crooked kind_  
_And that you'd never have no worth_  
_But you were always gold to me*~*_

Thorin hid his joy of seeing his second nephew again behind scolding, as did their mother.

Fíli wanted the ground to swallow him when they praised Fíli’s own steadiness.

Steady as a hammer.

Everyone knew his routine. Everyone could depend on him.

And when Thorin said that there were many who thought Kíli had no worth, Fíli had to intercede.

He knew Thorin said this hoping to make Kíli stay. Hoping to kindle a desire in Kíli to prove his worth.

But this was no way he would let anyone speak to his brother.

“Kíli is worth more than all the gold in Erebor you keep going on about!” he shouted at his uncle and his mother. “He was always gold to me.”

Everyone quietened after that.

A few days later, Kíli was gone again. Leaving an emptiness behind him no one could fill.

Alone behind the anvil, Fíli swung his hammer and thought back to those wild, careless boyhood days.

 _*~*And back when we were kids_  
_We swore we knew the future_  
_And our words would take us half way 'round the world_  
_But I never left this town_  
_And you never saw Gondor_  
_And we ain't ever cross the sea*~*_

This time Kíli was gone for over six month. When he appeared at Fíli’s door again, he appeared almost more desperate than the time before.

He had guarded merchants' treks, he said. To Rohan and back.

But he had not managed to travel further South, to Gondor. He had always dreamt of going to the White City.

“Remember when we were kids?” He asked Fíli. “Remember when we climbed the peak of the mountain here, and looked to the sea?”

“We said we would sail it one day.” Fíli nodded. “But you know nobody can cross that ocean, Kíli. No one does. The elves just sail to their legendary land. No one who leaves these shores for the West comes back.”

“And you’re fine with that.” Kíli sighed and closed his eyes. “Aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am.” Fíli knew it was not the answer his brother wanted. But he had always been honest to him.

 _*~*But I am fine with where I am now_  
_This home is home, and all that I need_  
_But for you, this place is shame_  
_But you can blame me when there's no one left to blame*~*_

It didn’t take more than a few weeks for Kíli to become restless.

And one evening, when Fili remarked how glad he was to work in the forge with Kíli, his brother snapped.

“Don’t look at me with those stupid blue eyes,” Kíli screamed. “You always try to guilt me into coming back to this place, don’t you?” He hit the wall hard enough for some tools to fall off.

Fíli watched stoically as the shelf he had just put up not too long ago wobbled a little.

“I never would.”

Kíli scoffed and stalked out of the forge.

When Fíli came home that evening, Kíli had cooked. They didn’t talk about Kíli’s outburst.

It was not the last. And it was not helped by Thorin, Dís, Balin, Dwalin and every other dwarf praising all the qualities in Fíli that they saw as lacking in Kíli.

Dwalin and Thorin, Fíli knew, stung Kíli the hardest. He had always looked up to the two old warriors.

Soon, Kíli was gone again. Fíli had accompanied him for half a day before turning back, wishing him safe travels.

 _*~*Oh I don't mind_  
_All my life_  
_I've never known where you've been_  
_There were holes in you_  
_The kind that I could not mend*~*_

The pattern continued for three decades. Everyone told Fíli he needed to make Kíli stay. But he knew not how. He knew how to fix a tool, but he did not know how to fix the emptiness in Kili that made him roam Middle Earth.

Sometimes Kíli would be back after only one month. One time he was gone for two years. He had taken a ship and sailed to Harad, where he had been taken prisoner.

That time, Fíli had given Kíli a hug and almost didn’t let him go again. He had given up hope for his brother's return after one year without a word.

That time the words exchanged between Thorin and Kíli were worse than ever. Thorin explicitly forbade Kíli to ever leave again.

“Be more like your brother”, Thorin ended his lecture. “He is happy enough here.”

“He is dull, just like you.”

Fíli knew the words were spoken in anger, but they still stung.

The next morning, when Fíli got up, Kíli was already preparing breakfast. He looked into his pot of beans when he said:

“I will stay longer this time. Maybe even forever.”

“As long as you want.”

“I can look for my own place.” Kíli turned around now, putting the pot on the table.

“Am I too dull for you to stay with me?”

Fíli had not meant to say that and immediately regretted it when Kíli hunched his shoulders, looking into a corner.

“I am sorry I said that. You’re not dull.”

“I am though.” Fíli smiled, reaching out to encircle his brother’s wrist with his own, thick fingers. “I always needed you to add some spark to my life.”

“We need each other, I think.” Kíli freed himself, but only to put some toasted bread onto their plates, before he sat down. “I always miss you when I am gone.”

“But I am not enough to keep you here.”

Kíli sighed, breaking his bread. “I wish you were.”

 _*~*And I heard you say_  
_Right when you left that day_  
_Does everything go away?_  
_Yeah, everything goes away.*~*_

Kíli stayed with Fíli for two years. Just as long as he had been gone.

But for the last year, Fíli watched him getting more and more restless. He knew, it was a matter of time before the confines of Ered Luin would be too tight for Kíli again.

“Why can’t I be like you,” Kíli said the day before he left. “Why can’t I be happy here. I felt happy here before - why does that happiness have to go away.”

Fíli shrugged. “Everything good goes away.”

He had accepted it the first time Kíli had left.

_*~*But I'm going to be here 'til forever_  
_So just call when you're around.*~*_

Kíli was back just in time to join the quest. Thorin was already gone for his talks to get more dwarves to join. Fíli had refused to join him, in the hopes that Kíli would come.

And he did. When he entered, his gaze fell to the packed bundles on Fíli’s table.

“Brother?”

“Thorin is going to reclaim Erebor. Are you ready to go on a quest with me?”

Kíli let his own bundle drop and squeezed his brother tightly. “All I always wanted was for you to travel with me.”

And Fíli left Ered Luin for the first time. Deep down, he knew he would not return. And neither would Kíli.

But he was also certain that this quest would make them grow closer again. Tight-knit as they were as boys.

**Author's Note:**

> I usually write happy fluff, so I'd really love to hear how you liked this little venture outside my usual comfort zone


End file.
